How did they get so smart?

Unlike many of my neighbors, I love squirrels. In the winter I put out two or three different batches of birdseed, in "squirrel-proof" feeders, and I put out a special mix of peanuts and other large seeds especially for the furry visitors. There is only one problem, the squirrel food usually lasts less than 24 hours, while the birdseed is out there for days. The squirrels know this.

They begrudgingly let the birds have their chance at the seeds meant for them, until their personal tray is emptied. Then the acrobatics begin. I have one favorite squirrel who hangs upside-down on the side of the feeder, sometimes with one foot grasping the deck railing, one grabbing at a perch on the feeder, and the other two paws busily shoveling birdseed into his cheeks. I cannot figure out how he gets down from there without crashing onto the deck. The physics of his position are in no textbook I have ever seen.

I had one bird feeder for a while that settled onto the end of a tall post, hanging on it and turning in a slow circle depending on what was visiting it at the time. It didn't take the squirrels long to figure that one out. They would wrap themselves around it and go at one part of the contents, while protecting the rest so nothing with wings could get anywhere near it. Generosity is not part of their mind set.

This feeder was right outside our family room window, so I could watch from no more than a couple of feet away. One day my vigilance was rewarded, as a smallish squirrel battled his way along some very spindly Rose of Sharon branches, swaying back and forth and inching ever upward. It took him a couple of minutes to find branches that could support his weight, and I watched him, unseen, while he calculated his next move. Finally he made it, jumping onto the rim of the feeder and clinging to it as it began to spin around. In fact, it very slowly moved counter-clockwise until he was staring at me face to face.

Up until that point I had no idea a squirrel could say, "Oh, shit!" but I'm pretty sure he did, right before he leaped to the ground and sped away.

We also had, one year, the homeowners' nightmare of a family of squirrels moving into the roof of our porch, which is enclosed on the front of our old stone house. They found a way in the inch or so of open space between the side face of the roof and the side wall of the house, and set up their happy home, immediately beginning to reproduce. We weren't sure how many we had, but every once in a while we would go out the front door and see squirrel tails dangling down in the cracks between the porch ceiling and the stone side wall. I admit I thought this was awfully cute, but I'm not sure if anyone else in the family shared my views.

We did find the solution in a Have-A-Heart trap. I found the ideal bait to be a small plastic bowl filled with a blob of peanut butter sprinkled with sunflower seeds. I caught one or two per day until there were no more, and one by one delivered them a couple of miles away to a well-planted park, full of bushes and trees and picnickers. This was the Disney World of squirrel habitats, and I hope they appreciated the effort.

During that project, I discovered that these energetic members of the rodent family have distinctly different personalities. I would load the trap into the floor of my van, and try to pay attention to the road while the captured squirrel reacted to his (or her) predicament. Some were just mad as hell, chattering the entire trip and bouncing around in the cage. Others were more thoughtful, checking out their surroundings and sniffing the air. One actually chose his transport time to finish off the peanut butter, while a couple of others curled up and pretended to nap.

The only way we could keep them from returning to set up camp again was by filling in the space with chicken wire and concrete. That did work, so now the squirrels we see are not residents of the house, but the many old trees around the neighborhood. It is amazing to watch these fellows at work, finding food, sorting through it (yes, they are actually picky!) and alerting the rest of the family that a safe place to find eats is my back porch.

I have chased away a neighborhood cat, watched out for hawks, and tried to be sure that nothing else would get in their way. I don't mind the mess of seed that they regularly sprinkle onto the deck, as the birds then come in and clean that up. The larger seeds draw the mourning doves, cardinals and jays, while the smaller stuff is policed by the sparrows, chickadees, and finches.

Spring has arrived, so the feeders will be packed away soon for the summer. There is plenty of food and entertainment for all of the animals provided by Mother Nature, so I don't have to make my regular trips to the Home Depot and their seed department until September. I enjoy watching the natural habitat that is my back yard, but I will miss those incredibly wily, soft gray creatures and their antics.